Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
