dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
