mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
