dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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