this just has baby written all over it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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