i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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