i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
