Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
