If that was your dad, he is hot
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
