M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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