who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
