Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
