I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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