those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
