Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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