So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
