You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
birth control should be required to get into college
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
