Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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