Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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