I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
