and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
