She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
