There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
