Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
