I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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