I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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