you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
