im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize