Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
