Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Come share oat with me in your robe
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
