ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
