I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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