I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
