So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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