omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
