You work out of a Hotel?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
