Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
