What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
