I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
