maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
