Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
