Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
