he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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