I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
