Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize