alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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