omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
