weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
