I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm at about main and main street
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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