I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
