for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
