he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
we're so committed to being not committed
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
