It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
