The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
