I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
