I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
