Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize