what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
