Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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