How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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