I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
