Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
