good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
