I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize