You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
