I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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