Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
