ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
