At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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