At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
