Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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