I can text with my tongue
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
