That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
